It's not exactly an artistic one, so I don't really know why it brought me here. Hah, maybe I just need an outlet.
Anyway, it struck me about an hour ago- a deep sinking feeling of utter abjection, dark, grey, dismal, unrelenting. When I tried to express it to myself with words, hoping for some sort of catharsis in that, all I found myself doing was wading through an unrelenting mire, of frustrating, convoluted thoughts and inexpressible feelings.
Then I broke down, as I have before in such situations, and started spewing the simplest most sincere questions I could. Purely existential. Purely emotional. Imperfect for that. Ha. I don't know what I was pleading with. Who I was asking, if anyone at all. Myself? Why would I have any of these answers?
It was an act of hopeless exasperation.
I'm afraid of so much. My own shortcomings above most. Why the fuck is that? Am I afraid of falling through for others? Their expectations of me, or my expectations of myself?
I'm tired of so much. I'm tired of slogging through it all of the debris of my own broken efforts, growing more cynical, jaded, and indolent in my exhaustion with every labored step.

Geh. That mood's dying down now. Thank Christ...

Anyway. Aside from all that gloomy situational garbage, it's been interesting for me lately. Still out a job, I've been out and about, biking, hiking, hanging out with friends, and trying my hand at writing bits of music and poetry (to keep myself sane if nothing else, I might post some of it). There's even the possibility of me doing vox for a local band at near future, which would be absolutely great. Haha.
That, coupled with the number of rad concerts coming up in the next few months, makes the rest of the year looks promising.

...But I'll still miss Jonia and Alex.

/fin